Sunday, December 29, 2013
So I went to see the physical therapist finally. I am so beyond happy that I am getting proper treatment. I haven't been in horrible pain for about a two weeks now for the first time in years. The PT thinks that because of the surgeries that have separated my abs and other muscles they're really tight especially on the right side. What I like about this approach is that there will be no more tests, it's all about just trying to correct the problem (which I appreciate so much!) So I will be doing PT once a week. With the Lidocaine patches and Neurontin finally kicking in fully I have felt great. Not to mention my energy levels are back to normal. ALSO I haven't gained ANY weight in the past two months. I was gaining weight so rapidly in the past 9 months and had no foffing clue why. I'm guessing it was the tumor on my thyroid, that's really the most logical explaination. Even though the Neurontin makes me really groggy I'm getting used to it and it's not as bad as it was the first week. I'm hoping now that the pain is under control and that PT is taking place I can get back to where I was. In hindsight the last ab. surgery that I had last year was probably not the best idea in the world. It really just ended up making things worse. So anyway... hopefully Fatty is back in the saddle. Now if I can just get my body to do what it needs to do I'll be happy as a clam.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
I've been thinking a lot about this. Recently I had been directed to a website (Return of Kings) dedicated to self-proclaimed "alpha males" regarding one of their articles about why fat women don't deserve love. During the course of browsing, there were so many articles that bashed fat people. In particular, fat American women. Categorically, we were assigned attributes that are laughably inaccurate. With such a large portion of the US fighting obesity and obesity related diseases it's hard to define what a "typical" fatty is. Obviously what the site promotes is horrible stereotypes directed at keeping fat women down. There are so many women out there who have poor self esteem. Some, like me, are drastically overweight and must contend with health issues on top of not feeling confident in how they look. Some women don't have the component of actually being fat but, nonetheless, feel they must live up to society's standards and therefore think less of themselves. However, when it comes right down to it... being fat is only a facet in how you operate in the larger world. Sure, it's obvious your corpulence is there, but does being fat change your thoughts? How you carry yourself? How you would like to present yourself to the world? Nope. The thing is you can be successful and have flaws. Everyone has flaws, some are just not as apparent as others. I think it's time to change a mindset here. The word "fat" is not an insult. It's a word that's used to describe a state of being. It's not really a word that is used objectively. That's like saying it's an insult to a dog to call it a dog. Fat is a state of being. Nothing more, nothing less. Seriously, it's obvious that a fat person is fat. I've never got why something like that needs to be pointed out. I even call myself fatty... fat people know they're fat. When I first started on my journey to a healthier me, about 6 years ago now, I tried to change my focus from restricting my diet and beating myself up to something different. I have tried to look at what I could do and rejoice in that rather than focus what I look like. Positive affirmation I suppose. So when I started to get down I started telling myself about all the things I CAN: I can run with my children, tell them a story, cook a healthy meal, go to work every day, clean the house, walk a mile, complete an assignment... and it goes on and on until I feel competent and sure that whatever obstacle is in my way I can overcome it. The thing is when we beat up ourselves and speak to ourselves negatively we basically set ourselves up for failure as a self fulfilling prophecy. "I'm not good enough to do ___ so therefore why bother trying?" Internalizing negative speak will only harm those who are trying to change their lives for the better. In the end, what others think of your state of fat doesn't matter. It's what you think of it. It's you in the end that is going to make your life what it is. You make your failures. You make your successes. Your life is in YOUR hands, no one else's. What do you want your life to be? Go and make it that way.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
So... I had my consult with the pain specialist on Wednesday. He prescribed some Lidocaine patches and Neurontin for regular use then Norco for breakthrough pain. I started treatment on Friday. Saturday was the first day in 2 years I have not had a constant nagging feeling in my stomach. I have hope now. The Neurontin is making me sluggish but Dr. said that would wear off with regular use. Without pain I feel better. When I feel better I may be able to actually exercise hard core again. Fingers crossed I will be up and at 'em by January. I'm hoping against hope that this is the last of the revolving doctor door. I'm ready to be myself again. I'm ready to be able to run without pain again. Ready to be more active for my babies. Ready to live. Really live.