Days of Rest

I feel like I've been sleeping for eternity. The last two days I've done nothing but sleep and I think it's because of how hard I've been working trying to get ready for TM. Tough Mudder training on Sunday, while awesome, made me puke twice. I do NOT want to get in the habit of thinking puking is cool after every session. I do, however, want to continue to hit it as hard as I possibly can.

I don't want to slack and have been already looking into the facilities where we will be staying in Vegas! Will's first race is on Saturday and I'm super excited about it. Looks like Rick will be going with us so I might just go ahead and enter the 5k although I don't think I'll do well. We'll see :D

The Cowardness Continues

Yes, I know you're stalking my blog. Good, maybe it'll help you out because you certainly need all the help you can get. You know who you are. Feel free to comment any time, dare you to actually have an intelligent conversation.

Anywho, having some body "downers" today. Probably because I dared to get a swimsuit that's meant for a teenager. I probably should have gotten an old lady suit. I did a "reality check" and compared side by side pics from around January 2009 (when I was first starting to feel REALLY good about myself) to show myself that I don't look much bigger. I think I'm just anxious because DH and I are going to Las Vegas in less than two weeks (impromptu trip to renew our vows!) and I want to look and feel my best. I don't want to look back like I do on my wedding pics and think "Holy shit I look like shit". I think a spray tan will help LOL. DH says he loves the suit, though. Maybe after my spray tan I'll have the courage to post the pics!

Had a great Zumba session today at Pulse. The instructor there is beyond awesome and really makes sure you're getting the workout that you're putting into it. I even bought tickets to the master class on Saturday night. Really need to get my butt in gear. I'm diving right into half marathon training, mostly because my endurance is lacking and I don't have the time to get it up gradually before the August half. Sunday starts Tough Mudder training at the gym. Woo whoo! Really trying not to make any excuses for fitness!

The Problem With Being Fit and Fat

Is that people can't stand it. They can't stand it when you are confident enough in yourself to announce "I'm a fatass and I love myself!" There have been a few key people in my life who have projected nothing but negitivity at me. I wonder if they realize that the negitivity stokes my flame and makes me that much tougher. That it keeps me going and feeds my energy to keep doing what I'm doing. Does it bother me when I'm called names? Absoloutly. But it inspires me to continue to prove people wrong. It doesn't take a genius that you can't run a half marathon and not train. That you can't have the energy to work out if you're eating like complete crap. I'm an open book here. I will answer any question honestly. Those who refuse to recognize this only make themselves look stupid. Just do me a favor, have the ovaries to say it to my face. When you talk behind my back, all you do is show that you're a coward because you already know you're wrong, especially when I've already confronted you about your bitchassness.

Why I'll Always Be Fat

This is the first time I'm making this public. I'm going to try to make it short and sweet. I went to see an Endochrinologist about two months ago to figure out why I have been trouble losing weight. The results: my kidneys are acting up and not processing water properly. To add to that my levels for estrogen are low. We knew this because I have no ovaries. And guess what? Without proper homonal blanace losing weight is impossible. Soooooooooooo I started estrogen therapy two months ago. After two months of estrogen therapy my body is not responding. So that's the short of it in case anyone was wondering. I have a severe hormonal imbalance and my kidneys don't work right. Luckily I did find out today that my kidneys aren't so smurfed up that I have to go on dialysis or anything... yay!

So now... I will only be focusing on being fit. I will focus on Tough Mudder, I will focus on my next half marathon coming up in August and my full in December. If anyone has a problem with that they can go smurf themselves. I'm sick of the stereotype that you have to be thin to be fit, it's not true. I may not be fat and happy but I could still beat most of those problem people's ass on a race course.It's situations like mine that get me fired up about fitness. You don't have to be a size two to be fit. I wish people would think before passing judgement on others.

Your Kids Watch You

Seriously, they do. My son is almost five and he wants to do everything that I do. Today it was leg stretches. I use a strengthening band to stretch my legs out so they're not so tight and he wanted to do the stretches right on with me. It was so cute. But it got me thinking: if he's watching me do this what else is he watching me do? Children are great mimics. I so wish for my son and daughter a healthy lifestyle. I am careful of what I eat, I hope that they are too when they get older. I exercise almost every day, I hope they pick that up.

As an adult it is so hard to change what you grew up with. In my case a mostly sedentary lifestyle. After high school I continued with that mostly sedentary lifestyle and blew up fast. I recently found some photos of myself and they're not pretty. I look so bloated and I know I didn't feel well at all. I'd huff and puff just going up the stairs. I don't want that for my children. What originally inspired me to lose weight and get active was William. After I had him I was around 220lbs. I was sluggish, would tire and get out of breath easily and I couldn't play with him. When I started feeding him solids I took a look at my diet and thought "I don't want him eating this crap so why am I?" So I changed, for him. So he'd have a mommy who could run and play with him. So he'd have a mommy who was healthy. And now I still do it for him, so he'll see that mommy is active and he should be too.

Zumba Zumba Zumba

So I totally get now how Zumba can be addictive. Not just because exercise is addictive in and of itself, and I obviously love to run, BUT the ENERGY that comes from the room is just beyond. I went to the Zumba Master Class last night and it was AWESOME. An hour and a half of Zumba and I was soaked in sweat and feeling great. The guest instructor, LaToya, was so full of life. She smiled the whole time, it was awesome. The buzz, the sweat, forgot I was exercising for a hot minute. I'm not the most graceful thing on the dance floor but I do try. There are always moves that I can't do that I modify. But you know, it's all about having fun and doing what you like. Nothing else matters. Don't worry about what other people think. If they're staring that hard they obviously either are admiring your spirit or have major issues of their own to worry about.