40 days of logging.. 17lbs gone.

So I've hit the 40 day mark on My Fitness Pal. Previous to this I was using a paper diary to write down all my food. Which has helped immensely but I wasn't restricting calories. I had decided some time last year that it was pointless to restrict due to my hormones being nuts. In July my doctor and I found out that my full thyroid panel came back completely normal after being on Levothyroxine for a about 3 months. I decided it was time to go ahead and start again. Try to reclaim my life and be the active person I was. So I started using MFP to track not only calories but micro nutrients such as sodium and protein. I noticed in the first few weeks that my sodium intake was entirely too high and my protein intake entirely too low. So I adjusted, started making some small changes and making sure that my portions weren't crazy. I bought a food scale to really get a good idea. This is what I've learned in 40 days:

*I actually have a spot on eye when it comes to portions. I attribute this to the fact that I started trying to be healthier when my 7 year old was 6 months old. My portions actually have never been out of control. I've always used the hand method for measuring: a portion of meat is the size of your palm, portion of pasta/ rice the size of a fist, portion of veggies is your hand out with all five fingers spread. My food scale has since confirmed this is a pretty accurate way of measuring.

*More protein in the AM means less snacking later. At least for me. I wake up ravenous on the days that I work. Like I could eat my horse ravenous. Having a bigger protein meal in the AM helps tremendously.

*Speaking of: my coffee and tea in the mornings have more protein than I would have thought. Then I was like "duh, they have milk in them!".

*17lbs seems like a lot, but I can't tell the difference in the mirror. I still see pretty lady that I've always been in my mind. My mirror is not an accurate portrayal of myself. Probably because I've always tried to be body positive. I have a pretty good idea that a tight ass dress isn't going to look good on me, but my eye sees a pretty good picture when I look at my reflection.

*I can tell how big (or small) my body has been the longest by the jeans (or lack thereof) I have in any particular size. 12's and 14's are prolific in my closet. I have quite a few 8's and 10's and 22's as well. Up until yesterday I had 1 size 18 and 1 size 16. I remember when I bought those 22's. I had been wearing sweat pants and leggings for 2 months because my 14's didn't fit. I was actually shocked when the number was in the 20's. Let me put that in prospective for you, I had jumped 4 pants sizes in 2 months. Even totally overeating this would have signaled, to anyone with a brain, that something was very. very. very wrong. I am still upset that it has taken me over a year to get my hormones back on track because  the doctors in this area don't know what the flying fuck they are doing.

*I unintentionally intermittently fast on the weekends. While I wake up starving on week days, I tend to sleep in on the weekends and I'm not as hungry (or can distract myself better) on the weekends. For example, yesterday  even though I was awake at 6 to get the kids off to school I didn't eat until lunch time. Sitting at my desk is obviously a trigger to eat for me. Makes for a more satisfying dinner, ha!

*I learned that I've been doing a lot of things right all along. Especially after trying to solicit help on MFP forums, I was in the mindset going in that "Well, maybe I AM over eating and fucking myself over." Nope. I'm not eating that much less than I  was previous. I've made very small changes to my habits, and I'm paying closer attention to my macros. That is it.

BTW, You can find my diary open on MFP. I'm, of course FattyMcRunnerPants.

Don't Let The Fatty Pass You!

So today was the Watermelon Run! I had gotten the dates mixed up, it was today not Saturday. Oops. LOL I can be so dingy. Downside of it being today vs. Saturday is I went out with my friends last night so only got about 4 hours of sleep. But I tell you  I was still pumped to get up and run. I had my clothes laid out and my soundtrack ready! So I got there a little early and was surprised that there were still t-shirts available for race day registration. The course was 2 laps around the school grounds of Upper Lake High School. Proceeds from the race went towards ULHS cross country. Since it was for the HS there were lots of teenagers there. Typically there aren't many HS students at races like this. It was refreshing to see so many young people taking part of an event that wasn't a school one.

The City Fitness crew was out in force today and it was nice to see them. I always feel bad as I no longer go to CF gym but I have to do me, ya know? I was very careful not to start out too fast this time. That's one of the pluses about having a watch that tells you how fast you're going. So I ran for about 3/4's of a mile keeping at 14:50 pace, then walked for about a half mile. One of the downsides of this course is that it was partially in a field that has been kept watered. So there were a lot of gopher holes and that part the ground was quite soft. I'm used to running on firmer ground so my legs were feeling funky. Actually, my left foot fell asleep which was so weird. I kept behind another woman in my age group who, I could tell, didn't want me passing her and her mom. I did the first mile in 17 mins. I let the other woman and her mom go ahead of me. I figured I'd catch up later, I had a feeling that she wasn't at a pace she could sustain. That's kind of the downfall that I saw at my half marathon: if you're a bigger girl (especially one as big as me) no one wants you to pass them. It's insulting I suppose. Even if you're not even going to place, they still don't want to be passed by the fat girl. Whatever, we were going about the same pace anyway but I like to kick it into high gear  at the end. For quite a bit of the course, anyway, it was hard to pass.

On the second lap, I did pass her during one of the wider parts only to have her practically run me over to get ahead again. I was going a little faster then, and finished my 2nd mile at 16mins. So the last mile is always the hardest for me, and that dreaded point one as well, ha. But I did end up passing her and her mom again and getting far enough ahead that she couldn't catch up. I came across another group: 2 women in my same age group and an older lady. Yet and again they didn't want me to pass them and actively blocked me from doing so. The thing is the women in my age group (you can tell by the color stickers on your bib) were fit and I knew they were staying with the older lady they were running with. They could have EASILY out paced me. At this point my patience had run pretty thin knowing I had less than half a mile to go. So we get to a wider point and I passed all three. I heard one of the ladies behind me complain that "the fat girl" was "beating them". I made sure to maintain my speed and ran into the finish line. Now, unfortunately I forgot to stop my watch so it shows a 53+ minute finish. I believe I finished in 51 and change, though. If they post the results online I'll know for sure.

It was my worst time for a 5k to date, and that's even the ones where I've ran with a stroller. However I keep reminding myself that I have only been run/ walking for a few weeks. My first 5k I trained for several months. I am happy to know that I can complete one! It's exciting. I don't think it will be long before I'm back to my old self. As long as I don't have any flare ups. And see, that's the thing: I compete against myself. Sure it feels wonderful when you place but it feels better when you beat your last time. It's one of the less talked about things, people get competitive at these races! I remember during my half, there was one lady I was trailing behind who got absolutely livid when I passed her. We did the whole I'm going to pass you, no I'm going to pass you thing. She ended up finishing before me but I had a better time because she started in the group before me. What is it with people? The whole point is to have fun and be fit. Especially in the larger races you're probably not going to place so just do your best.  Finishing felt good today. I am so happy that I was able to do so. It gives me hope that I can continue  to run and do well. I'm considering training for a half marathon in November. It's called the Almond Bowl in Chico. I'm still scared to commit to anything just because I never know what's going to happen with my body but it might be just what I need.

Pre Race Jitters

So on Saturday I will do my second 5k in almost 2 years. This time, though, my spawn will not be with me. This means it's all me. I don't really have a clue as to how quickly I will be able to get it done but I'm anxious to see where my base is at this moment. I'm remembering my first 5k ever right now. I had flown to Ohio to see my family and attend an alumni dinner held at my alma mater. My uncles were going to run this race too, the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. I trained for 5 months for that race. FIVE! I had been recovering from one of the many surgeries that I've had and really just set my mind on it that I wanted to run. You see, prior to having my second baby I had lost 80lbs by dieting and running. Right before I got pregnant I had been training for a marathon but I hadn't ran any races yet. Somehow I had it in my head that I could do it. I probably could have too LOL.


Anyway, I trained with my son in a stroller and I was so beyond excited. I laid my clothes out the night before made sure my number was on just so. Then: I  couldn't sleep! Like at all! The race was to start early and I had to meet up with my uncles who were staying in a hotel downtown. My good friend, Ryan, picked me up and we drove together over there. Ryan has a thing for photography and he wanted to take pictures of the race. My uncles probably thought I was nuts or naïve or something. IDK I was almost bouncing off the walls I was so excited to run with people for the first time. My uncles were very chill. Both are long time runners and my Uncle Brian ran the Boston Marathon.


Now my Uncle Brian (who is also my Godfather)... well let's just say he was the most positive male influence in my life. Although we're not like close I've always looked up to him. He always has been encouraging and really was supportive of my choice to go to college. I knew he was a runner prior to deciding to run myself and I think that's where I probably got my idea to try it. He always has seemed to have so much fun. My Uncle Chris too, I've always felt comfortable asking running advice from both of them and it was my Uncle Chris who turned me onto Hal Higdon's running plans. I guess sometimes running helps me feel connected to family being so far from them.


So Uncle Brian gave me a big hug before we started and just knowing that I had that support there meant the world to me. After I was so happy I finished in less than 40 minutes I could have jumped out of my skin. My uncles then took us to Gordon Beirch for a celebratory lunch. Then proceeded to tease me because I drank just a leeeetle bit too much beer. I think liking alcohol runs in the family too HA!


On Saturday I'll be thinking of my uncles and of Ohio. I'm excited to know that I will finish this. I will lay out my running attire the night before, make sure my hair is fixed just so and run my heart out. This is what I love to do. Running makes me me.

Ryan and me:

Uncle Brian, Uncle Chris and one of the other Team Perez members:

WIll's first 5k race re-cap

So yesterday Will, my 7 year old, completed his first 5k! I completed it with him making it my first race in almost 2 years. Oh my little boy has got such an ego! He thought that since a few years ago he won a 2k that it would be the same here. I tried and tried to explain to him that this was different, this was longer, and that there were more people in this one. He wouldn't listen. I guess this was just something he had to figure out on his own. He was smack talking some of the other little boys saying how fast he was. And he is! But he's more of a sprinter than a long distance runner. I explained to him before the race that he wanted to start slow and then speed up later, to conserve his energy. No cigar. Sometimes I have issues because Will likes to talk so much and get stuck on a very specific idea and won't get off of it. I think people around us probably think he's annoying but we got some nice comments from the more experienced runners saying they liked his enthusiasm. So the race started and we got about 1/4 mile down the road when Will realized that he had gone too fast. Poor guy got very upset that he could not keep up with the other runners in his group. Then he threw a fit. I could see him but he was ahead of me quite a bit.He had started out at a 10 min mile pace when we had been practicing at a 16 min mile pace. So I caught up to him and he kept saying he had "leg out". Which just meant he was tired and his legs hurt. I guess this is one time I really just had to let him learn from experience. He doesn't want to do the next race with me, though, which is unfortunate. I think he would do fine if he just stayed back with me. His little legs aren't very long LOL. So we walked the rest of the way and he was quite proud that he finished. 59:26 was official time. We celebrated by going to Denny's.

The experience was all in all a good one. And it showed me that I really could still go the distance. I felt wonderful at the end of the race. Although, I could feel a pain flare up starting after my walk on Friday so I didn't really want to go. I'm still in the midst of a pain flare up so I'm not a happy camper right now. But I'll get through it. There's another 5k next week closer to home and I'm going to do it. Hopefully, I won't do too bad of a time. If I can just get in my groove it'll all be fine.

Holy Crap, I finished Week One!

You read that right, I finished week one of C25k! I'm so happy I could cry. In the past few months it's really been hard to commit to anything or any program so I'm going to celebrate this small success. My second run was on Wednesday and my little Will came with me. He was bitching after half a mile but we ended up doing a mile and a half together in 30 mins. I have a hard time getting up super early in the mornings for the dreadmill so I waited until after work for Wednesday's run. Amazingly, I did not have a flare  up like I did on Saturday's run! You have no clue how happy that made me. I didn't even get a dehydration headache. While the results from today's run won't be apparent  until tomorrow I can happily say I haven't had a flare up so far from today either. I work up around 11 and immediately went for a run. I felt awesome. So awesome. Beyond awesome, really. But when I got home I sort of collapsed. Took me a min to get back up but I didn't really feel it while I was out. I did 1.75 miles in 30 minutes! I've decided that on my Sunday run I'm going to do 2 mile regardless of the time. So far on these runs I've been taking a pretty flat course. The plus about being a long time just starting again runner is that I know almost exactly how long any particular route is. I think on Sunday to add the extra miles I'll do a moderate uphill course. When I was training for my half I used a mix of hills and flat. My one gripe right now is that the "new lap" button on my Garmin is sticking. It's making me mad. I like to rest between walking/ running to get an idea of what my current pace is. I guess I'm anal like that. I hope I can fix it but I'm not sure if it's an internal thing or if some gunk got in there? going to have to check that tomorrow.

I think I'm ready!

So I definitely did have a pain flare up post first run. But, you know, I'm in so much fucking pain all the fucking time that I really don't give a fuck anymore. I AM going to run another 5k. I miss running so much. During my first day on Saturday when I was running I felt so alive. Like me, my blood pumping my hair swishing down my back, my hot pink shoes hitting the pavement. Alive. Free. Wonderful. I'm going to do my second run tomorrow morning on the treadmill. I was able to keep a 12 min/ mile pace on Saturday during the running parts (so says my Garmin), and that's where I need and want to be.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that these dumbass doctors don't really want to help at all. I did get a referral to a surgeon to have a panneculectomy to remove part of my apron and the adhesions that reside there. However, I probably won't qualify for it. I only meet 2 of the 3 criteria but I'm hopeful. My other choice is to get bariatric surgery to severely limit my food intake. I don't overeat and have been keeping a food diary for several months. It was actually the only way that I could convince my doctor last year that there may be a hormonal issue. However with bariatric surgery I wouldn't even be able to eat what I'm used to. So that's the next step... IDK what else to do. I'm running out of options. I can't keep living off of pain medication forever.

Couch to 5k part deux

When I first started running again after I had Maggie, I used cool running's couch to 5k program to jump off. I started that again today since I haven't been walking enough to really start any other program comfortably. I'm trying to start this slowly as I'm afraid I'll have a pain flare up if I push too hard. So now, an hour after my first day, I already know I'm going to be in pain later. I went ahead and took some ibuprofen in hopes to stave off some of it so that I can go swimming and be active today. I'm really afraid, though, to commit to any  events right now. I really want to actually race again but I'm going to wait until I'm closer to running regularly before I sign up.

Little update on my health: I've been taking my thyroid meds for about a month and a half now. I'm seeing good things such as being less fatigued in the AM, not falling asleep at my desk, etc. My bloating has gone down quite a bit and I have a lot less of a round face now. I've lost some weight but I'm not holding my breath that it stays off. It always seems to go that way, lose 10lbs, gain it back, lose it, gain it back. Fact is, I have a lot of weight to lose to feel normal again. it may or may not happen. Such is my life.

Levothyroxin, Bloating, and other goodies

Since October I've had some pretty bad bloating. Just kind of a quick update. I started taking Levothyroxin last week and the doctor said I would be able to feel some of the good effects in about a week. I've already noticed I'm not quite as bloated as I was. Woot. I'm also feeling more energetic in the morning. I'm hoping this is a trend. I'm definitely a long way from where I was and where I want to be, but this is an ongoing life journey... and I think I'll be fine with it. I can actually take my ring off easyish now which is amazing, normally I'd have to pull.. Now hopefully the double chin and facial bloating is next. I have the very obvious "moon" face that is a signature of hypothyroidism. It's funny I can deal with being fat but I don't like it when my face is round :( Maybe a waddle tomorrow? We'll see. One day at a time here.

c

Chornically Ill, Perpetually Hoepful

I've been thinking of making a post like this for a while. Kind of an "evolution of disease" with me being the only case study, lol. I have two chronic conditions. One which is mostly evolved and could have been taken care of when I was a lot younger, the other which is a bit of a contributing factor. The one that is evolved is surgical menopause caused by Adenomyosis and PCOS. The second is Hashimoto's which is a thyroid disorder.

Lets get some background here, for those who do not know what this is. Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disorder that causes inflammation and (eventually) death of the thyroid glad. Your thyroid is located in your neck and is responsible for secreting hormones that are essential for body function. Without it your body cannot function normally. Thyroid disorders (Hashimoto's, general hypo or hyper thyroid, and Grave's) tend to run in families. Typically Hashimoto's, Celiac, and PCOS go hand in hand as they are mostly the result of dysfunction of the autoimmune system. Symptoms of Hashimoto's include fatigue, depression, weight gain, overall aches and pains, intolerance to cold, puffy face and extremities, goiters, and a few others. My mom has hypothyroid. My sister has Grave's disease.

Adenomyosis is similar to endometriosis. It causes the uterine wall to become basically filled with blood. It causes horrible, painful, periods. It's a contributor of miscarriages. I've had symptoms of this since I started my period. I used to think it was normal to bleed through two tampons and a pad in an hour. I would sit in class with pain so bad my hands would shake. All of this I though was normal because my father and stepmother told me it was. My dad even refused to buy me pads because my step mom didn't use them. IDK what I would have done with out friends who would bring me pads and pain pills at school.

I've always been a bit on the heavier side. This is no secret. When I was 15ish I had my thyroid levels tested because of my mom and my sister's issues. At the time I was borderline hyper. This didn't make any sense to me. It makes sense now. In many cases, with Hashimoto's, thyroid levels go up and then crash down. This process of the thyroid dying can take years. Because of all of the rampant thyroid issues in my family I have had my levels checked regularly. They have never been cause for concern.

In 2009 I was running when I felt a sharp pain in my side. I couldn't run anymore and was in severe pain. I could barely walk. I went to the ER but they didn't do shit, just gave me morphine and told me to go on. I eventually wound up at a gyno's office. I had a diagnostic surgery which found that my ovaries were riddled with cysts and my uterus was boggy. This is when I first learned why I had horrible periods and was given a choice: hysterectomy or get pregnant. I planned hysterectomy but a little intruder snuck her way in before the date. I spent my pregnancy on bed rest, the Adeno aggravated by the pregnancy. Maggie was born 6 weeks early and within a few weeks I was in so much pain I could barely get out of bed. I had an abdominal hysterectomy with bisingual oophorectomy in June 2010. I thought this was the end of my troubles. I have done well with being in surgical menopause with the caveat that I was unable to get back down to the size that I was previous to my pregnancy with Maggie. I've also had some chronic pain that I've been working on with a pain specialist. But that's too much of a story to get into.

Later in 2010 I started having some bowel issues. Let's just leave it at that. I had a endoscopy  and colonoscopy that showed damage to the cilia of my small intestine.  It was determined that I had celiac disease and I have been attempting to be gluten free ever since. I thought that was that. I was wrong.

In 2012 the residual pain that I had from my hysterectomy increased significantly. I went back to my gyno and had some of the adhesions (scar tissue) from my stomach removed. The adhesions were binding my organs and internal skin lining together. The surgery didn't help and my gyno referred me to a surgeon. After an extensive physical the surgeon became worried regarding a lump he felt on my thyroid. He also berated me because of my weight. I had gained a lot of weight in the past few months and didn't know why. At the time he suggested an ultra sound and blood work. He then decided that we would take a wait and see approach to it. I wasn't satisfied with that and looked high and low for a second opinion. After driving 2 hours with my blood work that's when I got the original diagnosis of Hashimoto's. Unfortunately I was unable to drive back down there as the doctor stopped taking appointments on Fridays (my day off).

Fast forward to August 2013 during another appointment with the surgeon for the adhesions (which were also on a wait and see approach), the Dr. ordered another ultrasound on my thyroid, this time with a biopsy. The biopsy came back as malignant and it was decided that I would have the tumor (that had doubled at this point) taken out. In October that is just what happened. The cancer was found to be encapsulated. Phew. Didn't help the other symptoms I was having, though. Fatigue, weight gain, puffy face...

I finally was able to get into my regular doctor within the last few days and am now on levothyroixine. I'm hoping that will help. During the course of this physical and blood work it looks like my creatine levels (waste in bloodstream) was high indicating low kidney function as well. We're trying to figure out why but I'm sure it's all interrelated.

Some days I feel great, full of energy, bouncing out of bed. And other days I am so tired I can barely move. Some days I go and walk and walk and walk, try to make it to an exercise class, stay active. I work full time, go to school full time... I'm active. And yet lately I've been dragging. I'll be sitting at my desk and my body decides that it's time for a nap. Those times that I am powerless to stop it I go to my car and take a snooze or dab my face with cold water.

Honestly, IDGAF who you are or why your body looks the way you do but I get sooooo irritated when people tell me "Sure, you have a glandular disorder all fat people do". I want to bash them over the head and take them for a walk in a day of my life. I  know things will get better eventually. I'm just hoping that eventually is sooner rather than later.

Run Run Run STOP... Run Run Run STOP

That's how I'm feeling I'm doing right now. Chugging along then something else changes. Chugging along, then something else pops up. I've been sticking to my goals for the most part, moving more, walking more, etc. It's been interesting. The last few weeks have brought a lot of changes. I started my Master's degree program YAY! My son, Will, started T-ball and my baby doll started Cheerleading. I got a promotion at work and I'm now more into policy analysis which is pretty awesome. So busy busy busy. Trying to at least walk everywhere, park further away, get up get moving even if it's not a formal class or run session. Good news: my weight has remained steady in the last few month which is a really good change as it was steadily going up. I've actually lost some inches and have gone from a 22 to an 18 again. 22 wow... that's the biggest I've ever been, kinda depressing in a way but whatever. Most of my life I've hovered between 14's and 12's, and I'm loath to get rid of my smaller clothes. I probably will soon, though. I'm starting to just resign myself to where I'm at. I'm at least comfortable in my own body again. With the kids being so active it's hard not to want to keep up with them going full speed. Now that they're almost 4 and almost 7 they're definitely in a fun age range. They want to be on the go and I want to be going with them :D I'm happy that I'm feeling energetic enough to do so. A few months ago, I don't think that would have been possible.

For those that don't know my main goal has always been to be active to keep up with my children. My life and how I feel and how I interact with the world affects them in so many ways. They deserve a mommy who is up and about and playing with them. I pray every day that I am meeting that need. That I am a mommy they want to be with and play with. I hope there never comes a day when I can't keep up with them; that I'm always there for their games, competitions, opening days, and events. If I've ever done anything right in my life, its them.

It's not about what you've done, it's about what you're doing!

So far: resolutions have stuck! I've got my treadmill up and while I haven't been focusing on running I have been focusing on staying active. I've been gluten free completely for several weeks now so I'm starting to feel better to get all that yucky gluten out of my body. I've been focusing on not defending myself for anything. I realized that I would always defend my looks, defend what my body is and why. Then I realized: it's no one's god damned business. I am what I am, take me or leave me. I had gotten into a habit of defending why I was in an exercise class. I recently went to a "combat cardio" class where, by the end, I couldn't go on. My abs were on fire to the point I had to go home and pop a few vicodin just to sleep through the pain. The instructor keep yelling (probably at me, I didn't have my glasses on... couldn't see him) "Keep going. Don't stop now. DO SOMETHING!". Well screw it! I'm not here to harm myself just so you feel that you've been a good instructor. I know my limits, I know where to stop and I don't have to defend why. Period. I don't have to defend or justify what I'm eating, defend or justify having to stop in the middle of a workout. I know that I'm doing what's best for my body.

And guess what? I'm already reaping the rewards. Not in weight loss but I feel better. I feel like myself. I'm happy and I will continue on being happy with whatever progress comes my way.

Running Into the New Year

I feel so optimistic about 2014. After last year it can't possibly get worse, right? In the last 3 weeks I have been almost pain free and have been slowly increasing my physical movement. I have Zumba'd a few times this week and ran twice. It feels awesome, like I'm back home almost. I have my first physical therapy session tomorrow. Our goal is to get some more flexibility in my hips as it's really limited right now. We'll be doing some work in the water. Today was a landmark, the mark that means good things are happening: I did 45 mins of a Zumba class at high intensity WITHOUT getting a headache! Now if I can just get the shin splints out of my legs we'll be golden. The thing that will remedy that is proper shoes. Unfortunately my daughter took off with my shoes and lost one. She likes them because they're pink. So I've been wearing old shoes. Probably not the best idea.

I typically do not like to make New Year's resolutions because they never seem to correlate with what is actually feasible. I think, though, setting a general goal of being more active and mindful of what I'm eating is a good goal. I also do want to try to stick to the challenge on I <3 to run: 1. Never miss a Monday 2. Run 3 days a week 3. Don't go 3 days without running 4. Never give up. I think I can do this!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!